When the Game Doesn’t Fit: Masking, Autism, and the Cost of Playing Along

Imagine this:

You’ve spent your whole life learning how to play tennis. The racket feels natural in your hands. You understand the rhythm of the game. It’s how you move, how you think, how you process the world.

Then, one day, you’re dropped into a baseball game.

Everyone else is holding bats. They speak in rules you didn’t learn and expect moves you haven’t practiced. You show up with your tennis racket—and suddenly, the game has changed, but your equipment hasn’t.

This is what it can feel like to be autistic in an allistic world.

Masking, then, is what happens when you step up to the plate and pretend your racket is a bat. You smile. You swing. You play along. And maybe—against all odds—you even manage to hit the ball.

People cheer. “You’re doing great!” they say. They stop noticing that you’re playing with the wrong gear. They stop asking what it costs you to keep up.

But make no mistake: the cost is real.

Every swing sends a jolt up your arm that your body wasn’t built to absorb. Every movement requires extra thought. Every play takes effort no one else sees. They don’t witness the quiet calculations, the physical discomfort, the emotional toll. They don’t see the way you brace yourself for impact—again and again—just to keep up the appearance that everything is fine.

This is the reality of masking for many autistic people. It’s an incredible skill of adaptation—but it’s not without consequences. It’s exhausting. It’s isolating. And it often goes unseen by those who mistake performance for ease.

Because the truth is: success in a mismatched system doesn’t mean the system is working. It just means someone is working overtime to survive inside it.

And just because someone can play the game, doesn’t mean the game isn’t hurting them.

The Hidden Toll of Masking

Research continues to confirm what autistic people have long known: masking comes at a cost.

High-masking autistics are more likely to experience:

• Chronic pain and fatigue

• Anxiety and depression

• Emotional burnout

• Loss of identity

• Social isolation

  
  

Masking is a survival strategy, not a solution—and one that often leads to long-term harm.

When you’re constantly adapting to a world that doesn’t accommodate you, it doesn’t just wear you down. It erodes your sense of self.

Why This Matters (For Everyone)

A world where only one kind of game is allowed—only one way of thinking, moving, connecting—isn’t just harmful. It’s limited.

When we expect everyone to play baseball, we lose the richness that comes from different ways of being in the world.

But when we make space for other games—tennis, yes, but also storytelling, design, movement, rhythm, logic, creativity—we unlock something deeper: diversity of thought, innovation, and connection.

Neurodivergent minds bring new perspectives, problem-solving strategies, creative insights, and relational depth. Inclusion isn’t just the ethical thing to do—it’s how we grow.

It is the diversity of games, and the freedom to play them, that keeps us from becoming stagnant.

So What Do We Do?

We start by noticing the racket.

We listen when someone says the game doesn’t work for them—not because they’re failing, but because the system wasn’t designed with them in mind. We stop assuming that performance equals ease. We stop interpreting success as proof that nothing needs to change.

Real inclusion isn’t about teaching everyone to swing the same.

It’s about recognizing that different tools, different instincts, and different forms of play have value—and making space for those differences to exist without being penalized.

We can create environments where people don’t have to pretend, contort, or camouflage who they are just to be allowed on the field.

Because true belonging doesn’t mean everyone plays the same game.

It means everyone gets to play their game—and be valued for it.

💬 Join the Conversation

Have you experienced masking—or witnessed it in others? How do you think we can build environments that make room for different games?

Let’s talk in the comments.