The Myth of "Just Be Yourself": Living Between Masks

We hear it everywhere these days:

"Be authentic."

"Be yourself."

"Take off the mask and live free."

The idea is seductive. Authenticity is framed as the ultimate good — the final step toward belonging, healing, empowerment. But when you're autistic in a world built by and for neurotypical norms, the equation isn’t that simple.

For many of us, "unmasking" isn’t just a personal choice. It’s a social risk.

Unmasking — letting go of the strategies we've developed to pass, blend, and survive — is often treated like a moral obligation. As if masking is a personal failure, and unmasking is a kind of virtuous triumph. But the reality is much messier.

The world doesn’t always meet unmasked autistic people with open arms. Sometimes it meets us with confusion. Discomfort. Ridicule. Even punishment.

Authenticity, in many neurotypical spaces, still comes at a cost. It’s not because autistic people are broken or need to change. It's because the systems around us are inflexible, ableist, and deeply uncomfortable with difference — even as they claim to celebrate “diversity.”

In a world that only values difference when it's easy to digest, real authenticity is often still treated like a threat.

When I stim openly — when I let my body move the way it needs to — I get stares.When I speak directly without wrapping my meaning in layers of social cushioning, I’m called rude. When I advocate for accommodations, I'm labeled "difficult" or "too sensitive."

Authenticity is a beautiful thing. But it doesn't exist in a vacuum. It lives inside a system that has already decided which kinds of authenticity are acceptable — and which are "too much."

Sometimes strategic masking — or "selective unmasking" — is how we stay connected to ourselves and the world. It's how we protect our peace, our safety, and our energy. It's how we maintain access to the spaces we need to survive, even if those spaces were never designed for us.

Unmasking can be powerful. It can be healing.

But it can also be exhausting. And unsafe.

It’s not fair to expect autistic people to do the hard work of unmasking while the world stays the same. It’s not fair to measure our "growth" by how comfortable our real selves make others feel.

Unmasking is not a linear journey of liberation. It’s a complicated dance between safety, authenticity, and belonging — and every autistic person has the right to move at their own pace.

If you are masking today to protect yourself, that is not a failure.

If you choose to unmask in small, sacred spaces, that is bravery.

If you are still figuring it out, you are not behind.

You are not less real because you are careful.

You are not less worthy because you are strategic.

You are not less authentic because you are surviving.

Authenticity isn't about tearing yourself open for the comfort of others.It's about honoring your needs — whatever they are, wherever you are.

And sometimes, honoring your needs means keeping the mask on a little longer.That, too, is a form of self-love.

If you're navigating the complicated realities of masking, unmasking, and belonging, you are not alone.

You deserve spaces where you can be met with understanding, not judgment — and where you can move at your own pace.

Whether it's through community, conversation, or therapy, you deserve support that meets you where you are, not where the world expects you to be.

Looking for a safe place to start? I'm here, ready when you are.